A Self-Inquiry

:: #1 On women’s day ::

The image is from the video for my poem or multimedia poetry performance :: Kubus, unsre Form. traum urban. Incubus, succubus.

08.03.23 :: Berlin, Neukölln ::

What are you thinking about on this day?

Hm, about Rosa Luxemburg and her death, about flowers for the teacher and mamma, about being a woman in arts+literature+culture branch. And of the fact that we are still far from the way to peace, because women who offered a correct and great peace manifesto are portrayed as witches, while the „good green“ witch, deals with tanks and much more, to a country that is being devastated… along with people, of course.

As an artist and a woman, who also actively participates in the culture in two countries (Germany and Macedonia) as a publisher, editor and artistic director/curator of SlovoKult, I have been disappointed very often. As a woman, I am often exposed to very unfriendly, suspicious, unpleasant, disparaging, and defiant behavior, some men (and some women, but men are in majority everywhere), just can’t cope with the fact that some women do and have done more than they are able to. They just don’t like it. Others ignore it, because the conformism and ease of advancement of the mediocre, leaves some men and especially women, who can, do and accomplish much more, but who are a bit different, unnoticed and invisible – just don’t be different!

Are they perceived as witches? Dissenters? Different in their expression and their being?

Unfortunately yes. In the mainstream in any case. This mainstream including media make the same mistake again and again and again and again they are surprised to have made the mistake. The mainstream – these are the mediocre ones, who with their recycled boredom and often also with smart-assery, patheticness etc. destroy not only the spirit of the times, but also the spirit itself and the future… Because by ignoring and belittling its best, one does them and society no favors, dedicating streets to them later with their names and publishing excellent new editions of retrospective works, organizing retrospective exhibitions, celebrating them!!!!  (actually celebrating themselves, acting that this is for these forgotten ones – that’s right – on purpose! – great personalities – to have rediscovered them!), and in doing so also makes all kinds of profits and endlessly and pathetically discusses those who have RIGHTLY insulted and rejected them and are now celebrated by those insulted and rejected. Grave twisting to the maximum. Poor dead geniuses.

Death is also important, many die poor, and forgotten… but there was also suicide….

Yes, Sylvia Plath, Virginia Woolf, who were recognized, Elsa von Freytag Loringhoven, who is still ignored today… Ingeborg Bachman, also recognized and successful, but also killed herself in a certain sense, to name a few. But unfortunately, some dissenters, even those who wrote about dissenters, were also killed. Dissenters and those who are different have a hard time, as men too, but as women even more, you can believe me. I have experienced it on my own skin. One can continue to ignore my work, that’s what I actually expect as a different-being independent (female!) publisher, editor, festival director and curator, as a bilingual author (so not a German, Macedonian writer – not a representative of one language and nation), interdisciplinary and multimedia artist (who can’t find a suitable box). My expectations are very much lowered, but for that the Macedonian and the German mainstream must also lower their later expectations from my work: It won’t be there. Only what remains on the Internet, which the public will also inherit (hopefully someone will pay for its preservation).

If my works are not good enough while I’m alive, then they won’t be needed later either. One can admire them digitally. As a woman, I’ll get my way on that.

What else do you think about?

I also think of all the beautiful and wonderful people I love to meet, see, hear, talk to, read, who give me strength and will and love and desire to live and go on. I love them. I love all the people who stand up for justice, freedom, criticism, and peace…. and quality, everywhere, but especially in art and literature.

And else?

I also think about it: to leave my online published works as texts, pictures and videos to the artificial intelligence. The mainstream gets anyway everywhere driven on by it, the natural intelligence is already for a long time in the extinction, – part of the reasons for it are briefly represented in this text.

And I end it with (extended) lines from my poem

:: gendering the german language ::

future is female

and all in one

(hopefully) human